Ya know how some paintings just seem to come easy? Just fly onto the canvas with little or no effort at all? Well, this isn't one of them. This one is a battlefield. Explosions and wounded all over the place. Bullets wizzing by your ears. There is shrapnel lodged in the doors of my kitchen cabinets.
Today I scraped off several large mounds of paint and am in the process of redefining some shapes... Someday this painting will come together. And someday soon, I hope, painting will come easier again.
I find myself searching for some meaning in in all this struggle. Does it mean I am coming onto a breakthrough of some sort? Does it mean I need to readjust some way of thinking that isn't quite working? Why am I searching for meaning in something that happens all the time? I know it is a cycle, but... sigh.
Reminds me of my toddler. I can usually tell when he is about to conquer some immense developmental milestone because he goes downhill for a little while. Not physically, but emotionally- upset most of the time, doesn't seem to know what he wants, easily frustrated, has trouble sleeping, etc. Its like he is fighting his way up a slimed, muddy hill covered in briars, and no one can help him get to the top. But when he makes his breakthrough everything is just hunky-dorey. Life is good.
That is totally how I feel with my artwork right now... like the last three or four have been really difficult. And I see a very labored look in them. I am so ready for a breakthrough of my own.
Hmmmm.... Ya know...
I have been looking at my recent paintings while typing this and I noticed that my brushwork has been getting progressively tighter and more controlled. All the while I have been goggling over other artists whose work is loose and much more impressionistic. No wonder I feel cramped. It could be that I am not feeling satisfied with staring at a photograph for days on end and need to spend more time outdoors painting the real thing.
Writing is good.
I am going ot have myself a little think on this, and I just might wipe this painting and start over... or just scrape off the larger globs of paint and reapply fresh paint with a larger brush and no glasses!